You’re Standing Wrong, Part 1

You’re Standing Wrong, Part 1

The importance of a proper stance

It feels like a long time ago that I was sitting on an airplane with my mom and sister trying to figure out what to call my neurotypical dating coaching business.  We thought up a lot of dating-related words, and eventually settled on the word hitch and ultimately the name Hitchcraft.

Believe it or not, I had not seen the movie Hitch at that point, but when I did, one of my favorite lines was, “Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means that ninety percent of what you’re saying ain’t coming out of your mouth.

As it turns out, there is no science behind those percentages.  Still, you can’t deny that body language is crucial to successful dating.

Let’s start here…

USE A STANCE THAT CONVEYS THE RIGHT IMAGE

Think for a moment about the image you are trying to project to your potential partner…

  • If you’re a woman, you’re probably trying to convey an image of femininity.  (Many women are not and that’s okay, too.)
  • If you’re a man, you’re probably trying to convey an image of confidence and reliability.

Your stance has a huge effect on whether you’re conveying the right image.

For men, their stance says a lot about their confidence:

  • Legs crossed is a sign of fear
  • Legs close together is a sign of anxiety
  • Legs shoulder width apart with weight evenly distributed between them is a sign of confidence and control

For women, their stance affects other’s perception of their femininity:

  • Legs shoulder width apart may be too controlling, possibly reducing their femininity
  • Legs together can be proper and feminine
  • Legs crossed can be seductive and feminine  

HOW TO CHOOSE THE STANCE THAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU

As a person with a neurodiverse diagnosis, you know that there are enough categories in the world.  I don’t want to force you into another one.  If you are a man who wants to convey confidence and reliability, great.  If you want to convey something else, go for it.  If you’re a woman who wants to convey femininity, great.  If you want to convey something else, go for it.  (I’ll support whatever choices you make, though I may not always feel they’re the best choices for dating.)  What’s important is that you find the stance that matches the image you’re trying to convey.

Any of these tips will get you starting finding the stance that matches your image:

  • Start by looking through magazines and on the internet for photos of people who are projecting the image you want to convey.  What stance have they adopted?
  • Stand in front of the mirror and try different stances until you find the one that conveys the right image.
  • As your friends what stance matches the image you want to convey.

Once you choose your stance, you have to make it feel natural.  That isn’t always easy because you’ve probably been using the wrong stance all long.  Habits are hard to change, as you know.  But you can make your new stance feel natural with practice!  Try standing in front of the mirror for a few minutes each day in your new stance.  It’ll feel natural very quickly.

TAKE A STANCE FOR YOUR VILLAGE

Slowly, slowly, we’re adding new Villagers.  But most of them are finding our Village, rather than you inviting them in.  Can we fix that with these?  Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

QUICK REVIEW

  • Your stance says a lot about you
  • Men, to project confidence, stand with your legs about shoulder length apart
  • Ladies, to show your femininity, stand with your legs either together or crossed
  • If you want to project other images, just choose its matching stance
  • Practice your new stance until it feels natural
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh
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PS:  This is a chapter in Hitchcraft Dating’s *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DATING SMARTER AND FINDING LOVE FASTER.  You can get it quickly and easily at by clicking here.   You also get other great freebies:

  • FREE articles loaded with actionable dating tips and advice sent directly to your inbox
  • An exclusive FREE Report: 15+ THOUGHT PROVOKING DATE QUESTIONS TO SPARK A REAL CONVERSATION
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Comments

  1. Amy Thompson says:

    Jeremy- Please send me your free dating guide.

    Thanks,

    Tammy

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