Waiting for Your “Perfect Self” is Just Procrastinating

Waiting for Your “Perfect Self” is Just Procrastinating

Waiting for your prefect self is procrastinating

This is a confession of sorts.

Honestly, I had no intention of writing this.  In the first three years of Hitchcraft Dating’s existence, I avoided giving advice based on my own life experience.  My goal was to talk only about the science of dating.  In my eyes, a decade of my own dating experience was not worth sharing.

Enter Chris Brogan.  Week in and week out, I look forward to getting his emails about building a business.  Every week he makes me think about how to improve this Village.  And then he did something that I didn’t think I’d ever see: he wrote about his struggles with depression.


If Chris Brogan share his struggle with depression with his Village (or Monchu, as he calls it), then nothing is going to stop me from telling you what I struggled with.


At one second after midnight on January 1, 2013, I proposed to my girlfriend of almost four years.  She has a kind heart and a beautiful face.  She was born and raised in sunny Southern California, but committed to surviving cold winters to build a life with me.  She is a top-rated endocrinologist (see for yourself) with two wonderful parents.

Here are all the reasons I shouldn’t be with her:

  • I am not as good looking
  • I am not in as good physical shape
  • It takes two topical creams and a prescription shampoo just to keep my skin problems from exploding
  • I have a bit of a facial tick
  • My teeth are about five shades away from white
  • I make three times less money than she does
  • I am extremely sensitive to some common sounds

Just so you know, that was just the shortcomings I came up with in ten seconds.  I can keep going.  My list of shortcomings is long!

I could have let my list of shortcomings stop me from pursing Lisa.

I could have said to myself, “I’ll email her after my skin clears up.”  But I didn’t.  I emailed her on the dating website right away and she answered me.

I could have said, “I’ll call her after I go to the gym a few times.”  But I didn’t.  I called her a few days after she emailed me and we had a great conversation.

I could have said, “I’ll ask her out on a date after I use the teeth whitening strips for a week.”  But I didn’t.  We had our first date a few days after our phone conversation.


There are different reasons why people procrastinate.

My friends with ADHD tell me that their time is divided into now and not now.  Anything that has to be done now gets done.  Anything that doesn’t need to get done now gets put-off until later (and then it is forgotten).

Some friends with autism tell me that they procrastinate so that they don’t have to deal with failing.

Other people procrastinate because they’re waiting for something to happen before they act.  Many singles don’t start dating because they are waiting for their perfect self to appear.

  • I’ll start developing an Action Plan after I learn how to focus better
  • I’ll write an online dating profile after my depression eases up
  • I’ll go to the singles event after I figure out how to start a conversation

See how easy it is to put-off the things you  need to do?

What have you been putting off until your perfect self appears?  Share your story in the Comments, below, and read what I was putting off.  (It isn’t fair if you read my story in the Comments and don’t share your own!)


Normally I use this last paragraph to ask you to spread the word.  Guess what?  I am not going to ask you to share this with anyone.  What I wrote today was personal.  It is between me, you and our other Villagers.

Instead of sharing, start doing.  Whatever you have been putting off until your perfect self appears, start doing it now.  Seriously, stop reading this and start doing….

Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh

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  1. Jeremy Hamburgh says:

    This whole Hitchcraft Dating website was a battle of I’ll-do-this-after-I-do-that. I’d say to myself, “I’ll finish editing the 40 chapters of the Free Dating Guide after I reach an agreement with Adaptations.” Someone how I managed to edit the chapters without an agreement in place.

    At the same time, I’d say to myself, “I’ll write dating advice articles after I finish the 40 chapters of the Free Dating Guide.” Somehow I managed to write a half dozen or so articles while on vacation, which I’ll send out at some point.

    Then I said, “I’ll do SEO on the chapters and articles after I get them all posted.” Unfortunately, that’s still the case.

  2. Mick Rosenthal says:

    Nice article Jeremy. I think the biggest fear for me as someone who is neurotypical with mild Cerebral Palsy, is the fear and intimidation factor. Even the fear of rejection, but mostly just plain old fear!

    I can talk to women just fine, sometimes, though when I turned nine I suffered a seizure which left me with the side effect of Verbal Apraxia, pausing in my speech. This when it happens can leave me frustrated (others too in trying to finish my sentences for me), angry at myself, and thus fearful of conversation. So I know I am far from perfect!

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