[Villager Voice] One Aspie’s Cross Country Move For Love

[Villager Voice] One Aspie’s Cross Country Move For Love

One Aspie's Move Across Country for Love

Guest post by Kelly Herrewig

I used to think I was meant to be alone.  After all, my past relationships obviously didn’t work out, which is why they’re past relationships.  I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, with anyone, doing anything.

Now, I am with someone I love and he loves me back.  It wasn’t easy, but here’s our story.

FINDING A BOND ON REDDIT AND MOVING IT TO SKYPE

I was in the Aspergers subreddit, posting to find someone to distract me.  I needed a distraction because I couldn’t stop obsessively searching for something I had seen the day before…and I’d been looking for hours.

Suddenly, I got a reply.  It said, “Distraction is my game. I’ll be your Huckleberry.

I thought, “This person sounds really fun,” so I replied and we hit it off, watching YouTube videos, sharing jokes and talking about life.  Every few minutes, we would discover more similarities between us.

Finally, I did something that Reddit users are reluctant to do:  I asked him if he had Skype.

He did, and we spent hours talking about anything and everything. We had so much in common that it was starting to feel weird.

DO I TELL HIM THAT I LIKE HIM?

Over time, we got closer and closer.  It often felt as if I was talking to another version of me… except I liked them more than I liked myself.  My heart said it was time to do something I’d never done:  I told him I was developing some kind of attraction to him and I didn’t really know what was going on.

It’s very unlike me to feel something for someone that quickly.  That kind of attraction usually takes me months, even years to develop.  And, in the past, even when I did feel something for someone, I didn’t tell anyone!

This time was different.  I just sucked it up and told him.  To my relief, he said he felt it, too.

BIG DECISIONS HAD TO BE MADE

Together, we decided that we didn’t want to start a relationship this quickly.  First, because I was living in Wisconsin and he was living in California.  Second, because we had both had some unpleasant experiences with long distance relationships, and they scared us.  So we just kept doing our thing.

A few months later, I decided it was time for another first:  I asked him to be my boyfriend.  This was terrifying for me!  But he said yes, thank goodness.  Now real decisions had to be made.

We agreed not to waste our time, letting months apart turn into years.  We were going to be together!

Despite living in different parts of the country, we quickly fell in love.  I know it sounds cheesy, but we did.  We shared so many bonds, like being broke, having lives that kind of sucked, but knowing that we had each other.

I DECIDED TO MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR LOVE

Life was really becoming difficult for me in Wisconsin, and winter was on its way.  Seasonal depression hung over me like a cloud and my motivation went out the door.  I was running out of ideas for places to live and things to do for money.

My best friend’s mother lent me the money to buy a ticket to California.  I was planning to go there in a few months to live with a friend anyhow, but now I had a reason to go immediately.  I booked my bus ticket.

A week after I ordered my ticket, my boyfriend lost his home, but then managed to find an apartment and land a job.  Lucky us!  We decided that I was moving into his new place.  For once in my life I felt like things were falling into place, though I couldn’t shake the worry that we may not get along as well in person as we did from a distance.

THEN I DID IT!

The weeks before I headed out west felt like months.  I felt the pressure of something big looming ahead.  But then the time came and I went to the Greyhound station prepared to go farther from home than I had ever been…and I was doing it alone.

The bus ride was three days.  Without sleeping.  Just time alone and anxiety.

When I finally arrived, he was inside the bus terminal doors waiting for me.  He gave me a hug and a kiss!

We took off, riding public transit the rest of the way home.  By the time we arrived, my anxiety was completely gone.  He was exactly as I expected, and he said that I was, too.

WE HAVEN’T KILLED EACH OTHER YET.  JUST THE OPPOSITE!

A month later, our relationship is great!  We are thriving on honesty and communication.  For example, when either of us has a problem, we talk about it before it becomes a major issue.  Sometimes I just ask to be sure, “Is there anything wrong?” or “Am I bothering you?

We have found our routine.

He works 11 hours a day.  I take care of the apartment and work from home.  It works very well for us.

A FEW THINGS THAT I LEARNED ALONG THE WAY

My advice to others looking for love:

  • Make friends.  Some people may make great partners but you can’t always know it immediately.
  • It helps to be places where others have things in common.  In my case, it was /r/Aspergers. Maybe you’ll meet someone in a Facebook group or web forum.
  • Be honest.  Don’t try to act like something you’re not.  Your ideal partner will love you for you.
  • Be brave.  If you have feelings for someone and it seems like they may feel the same, just bring it up!  Try not to overdo it, like blurting out, “I’m in love with you!!!” or “I want to have your babies!!!”  Just tell him or her about your feelings in a calm way
  • Make a long distance relationship into a short distance relationship.  Loving, committed relationship don’t happen over Skype.  You have to go places and do things together.  Start planning your life together as soon as you’re both comfortable with it.

Good luck, and go get ’em!

Kelly is a 22 years old who now lives with her boyfriend, Nick, in Los Angeles.  They are both ultra-nerds.  Both also have unofficial Aspergers diagnoses, because an official diagnosis is expensive.  To read more stories like Kelly’s, subscribe to the *Free* Step-By-Step Guide to Dating Smarter and Finding Love Faster.

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The views, opinions and positions expressed within this guest post are those of the author alone and do not necessarily represent those of Hitchcraft Dating.

 

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