How to Outsource Your Search for Singles with Love Networking

How to Outsource Your Search for Singles with Love Networking

Love Networking

I made up the term Love Network.  It is the name for all the people in your life who you can ask to help you find love.

In my time as a dating coach, I’ve found some people to be afraid of asking their Love Network for help finding love.  What is it about friends and family that make us so reluctant to ask them for help?  Some thoughts:

  • We don’t want to appear helpless to them
  • We don’t want to feel like we are burdening them
  • We don’t want to feel like we owe them something in return
  • We don’t know when ask
  • We don’t know where to ask
  • We don’t know how to ask

Today is about overcoming those reactions your Love Network can start working for you..

THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ABOUT ASKING FOR HELP

Believe it or not, asking for help actually makes you closer to the people you ask.  They are honored to be asked.  Personally, I am thrilled every single time a new person emails me a question and I’m ecstatic every time someone hires me as his or her coach. (Coincidentally, a buddy texted me a request to set up his friend on a date.  A great feeling!)

Has anyone ever asked you for your help?  I bet you felt wanted.  I also bet you didn’t think for one second that the person who asked you was helpless or a burden.  You appreciated that your opinion and expertise mattered.  Others feel the same way.

You can actually make people happy by letting them be part of your Love Network.

ASK FAMILY MEMBERS TO BE IN YOUR LOVE NETWORK.  (THEY LOVE YOU)

My friend’s mother conspired with the mother of a young lady to set up their children on a date.  My friend declined, not because he had anything against the young lady (whom he never met), but because he didn’t want his mother meddling in his life.

Fate intervened.

As it turned out, the young lady showed up to my birthday party as someone else’s guest.  She met my friend — the one who originally declined to be set up with her — and they started dating.  Now they’re married and have two beautiful children.  (They also moved out of the country, but that’s another subject.)

My friend was lucky that fate intervened.  He could have met his wife a whole lot sooner had he listened to his mother.

Your family loves you.  They want you to be happy.  Let your family introduce you to people that they know and like (and think you will, too).

ASK YOUR FRIENDS TO BE IN YOUR LOVE NETWORK.  (THEY KNOW YOU BETTER THAN MOST)

As much as your family loves you, they probably don’t know you as well as your friends do.  Your friends also know more people your age than your family members do.

My friends already know I’m looking for love,” some clients tell me.  “If they knew someone for me, they’d have told me already.

False!  Most friends don’t make unsolicited match connections.  That’s just not how most people operate.  You must ask in order to receive.

I also hear, “I know all of my friends’ friends.

While you may know some of your friends’ friends, you definitely don’t know all of them.  And you don’t know their co-workers, family and neighbors.

It is up to you to ask friends and family to recommend potential partners.

By the way, I use the word friend loosely.  You can ask everyone you know to scour their Love Network for your potential partners. Your rabbi/pastor/imam/spiritual leader, teammate, neighbor, dance partner…whomever…may know the perfect potential partner for you.

THERE ARE MANY RIGHT WAYS TO ASK FOR HELP.  (AND PLENTY OF WRONG WAYS, TOO)

There is no right way or wrong way to ask your friends and family for access to their Love Network.  But I think some methods may be better than others:

  • In person – great
  • Phone call – very good
  • Letter – very good, and has the added benefit of being unexpected
  • Email – good
  • Facebook status update – debatable
  • Text message – not good
  • Smoke signals – bad, and potentially hazardous to the environment

My philosophy is that the more personal the request, the more excited people are to help you.

As for what to say, keep it simple.  Try something like:  Hey [person’s name]…We have known each other for [length of time] and I think you know me well.  I think it’s about time I get serious about finding a [boyfriend/girlfriend].  Can you think of someone that I might match well with?

How do you plan to ask your friends and family?  Post your “script” in the Comments, below.

“MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK”

Will your Action Plan include using Love Networking as a strategy?  Perhaps you’d like to weigh the positives and negatives.

The negatives of Love Networking are:

  •  You have to ask for help from people you don’t usually ask for help
  • You may not end up with (m)any leads

But the positives are really positive:

  • It doesn’t cost anything to ask for help
  • You’ll impress a lot of people with your motivation
  • You’ll have conversations with friends and family that you’ve never had before
  • You’ll be forced to think through your musts and wants
  •  Oh, and you vastly increase your chance for finding love

The benefits of Love Networking really boil down to the old saying:  Many hands make light work.  There’s no reason to do all the work yourself when you could outsource it to others.

YOU ARE MY MANY HANDS

Let’s do some division of labor in our Village.  I want to do what I’m good at, which is writing to you about dating smarter.  I want you to do what you’re good at:, which is spreading the word about our Village.  Sound fair?

So, take a few seconds and send this email to your single friends and click these social buttons: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

QUICK REVIEW

  • Your Love Network of friends and family each have a network of people that they know.  Some of those people are your potential partners.
  • You have to ask them for access to their Love Network
  • The more personal the request for help, the more seriously they’ll take it
  • Trade ideas for how to ask for help in the Comments, below
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh

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PS:  This is a chapter in Hitchcraft Dating’s *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DATING SMARTER AND FINDING LOVE FASTER.  You can get it quickly and easily at by clicking here.   You also get other great freebies:

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Comments

  1. Andrew Young says:

    I think this is a wonderful option. I’m considering using it as part of my action plan.

Trackbacks

  1. […] talked recently about using the Love Networks of your friends and family.  Whether you choose that strategy or not, you should know that your […]

  2. […] you’ll be attracted to each other.  Maybe you’ll ask him or her to be part of your Love Network.  You won’t know until you […]

  3. […] you begin talking with kind strangers, you become more interesting and knowledgeable.  Then your Love Network expands.  Your confidence increases as you become a better conversationalist.  And that is […]

  4. […] Because people who find you interesting will let you use their Love Networks […]

  5. […] a very big but…meeting your Special Someone on a flight is not your goal.  Your goal is Love Networking.  (If you don’t know what that is, then you should be getting the *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE […]

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