Find Love From Your Couch With Online Dating

Find Love From Your Couch With Online Dating

The pros and cons of online dating

I remember going to a late-night comedy show in Disney World in 2003.  A newly married couple was picked out of the audience and asked how they met.  They looked at each other, neither saying a word.  They both looked thoroughly embarrassed.  The husband finally whispered, “We met online.

It is funny to think that in 2003, looking for your partner online was an embarrassment.  Today it is practically expected.

WHY I LOVE ONLINE DATING

Since you became a Villager, I’ve pushed you to be an active dater.  I try to get you out of your home and into your world.  (In fact, the entire last chapter was about that.)  Sometimes you just want to date from the comfort of your couch.

I don’t blame you!

To be perfectly honest, despite the obvious benefits of online dating, I thought it wasn’t for me.  I did just fine meeting people in person.  But a friend convinced me to put up a profile, so I did.  It worked!  A well-written email, a late night phone conversation, coffee in the park…and now Lisa and I are married.  (Lisa reminds me that we dated for 4 years before we got married.)

So, I guess you can say that I’m a convert.  Now let me give you the pros and cons so you can decide for yourself whether online dating is right for you.

ONLINE DATING MAKES IT EASIER TO FIND PEOPLE WHO SHARE YOUR PASSION

It is no secret that sharing a passion makes two people more compatible.  Online dating sites let you quickly find partners who share your passion.

Let’s say your “thing” is dogs.  You absolutely love dogs.  In fact, you insist that your potential partner be a dog lover, too.  Your problem is that you only have a few hours this week in your Dating Calendar set aside for dating.  What do you do to find a fellow dog lover?  You could go to a singles event where you might meet three people, none of whom likes dogs.  Or you could join an online dating site that allows you to search for other dog lovers.

Which do you choose?

ONLINE DATING MAKES IT EASIER TO FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE SYMPATHETIC TO YOUR SPECIAL NEED

Let’s say that after finalizing your lists of wants and needs, you decide that dating other neurodiverse people will be better than dating neurotypicals.  How do you go about finding neurodiverse potential partners?

Well, you could join an organization like Adaptations.

Or you could find a meetup in your area.

Or you can sit on your coach, open your online dating profile and type keywords into your dating site’s search function.  With a few well-chosen keywords, you’ll find other neurodiverse people (and sympathetic NTs) in your area.

ONLINE DATING CAN EVEN GIVE YOU AN ADVANTAGE

Are you the sort of person who can walk up to strangers?  Who has a quick answer to every question?  Whose stories are captivating?

Then you don’t need online dating.  But if you’re like most people and it takes time for you to warm up to strangers, then online dating may be perfect.  It allows you to explore your compatibility before you ever meet in person.

Online dating allows you to get to know your potential partner before you ever have to pick up the telephone.  It allows you to explore your compatibility before you ever meet in person.

That’s a pretty good deal, right?

If you are a creative, intelligent and thoughtful writer, then online dating gives you an initial advantage.  Heck, even if you are only one of those things, online dating can give you an advantage.  

Why?

At singles events and when you Multi-Purpose Events, confidence is the most important trait. However, when you are online dating, confidence isn’t necessary (at first).  The winning formula for online dating is well chosen photographs + well written profile + intriguing initial contact.  Too much confidence can actually get in the way of that formula!

No worries if writing isn’t your strong suit, we can write your online dating profile together.  I’ve written more successful online dating profiles than you can imagine.  Now would be a great time to use your buy-one-session-get-one-free certificate.  Let’s team up!

BEWARE OF THE PITFALLS OF ONLINE DATING SITES

There are a ridiculous number of online dating websites to choose from.  There are websites for every interest, like pet owners and food lovers.  There are websites for every religion.  There are websites for people who are straight, gay or somewhere in between.  There are websites for people who are looking for long term relationships and websites for people who just want a fling.  There are free websites and pay websites, and free websites with premium features.

Does that overwhelm you?  I find it overwhelming but you may already have an idea of what website you want to join.  (Let us know which online dating website you are choosing in the Comments, below, and find out on which website I met my wife.)

Once you choose a website, you still should be careful of its pitfalls.

One potential pitfall is that each dating website has an incentive to portray itself as having a large membership, so it may not remove inactive profiles.  That’s bad for you because you’ll waste time and energy emailing people that don’t use the website anymore.  It will be crucial for you to figure out how to identify active users.

Another pitfall may be that the website asks you to write about yourself, but you’re not a great writer.  Many of my clients are great people, but poor at writing about themselves.  If you are like them, your profile is going get lost in the crowd.  (As I aid, I’d love to help you write an amazing profile.)

Lastly, and perhaps most important, is the difficulty finding someone on the website who understands and appreciates your special need.  Most people — perhaps you, too — don’t publicize their special need in their profile, which makes it hard to find them.  You may end up emailing neurotypical-after-neurotypical, and you know frustrating NTs can be.

ON THE WHOLE, ONLINE DATING CAN BE A GREAT DATING STRATEGY

It goes without saying that if you want to meet someone single, you need to go to where the single people are.  For better or for worse, an incredible number of single people are dating online.

A word of caution:  Don’t overdo it!  By that I mean, don’t spend a hundred hours a week looking for love online.  As you know, you have six other strategies to choose from:

Pick two or three strategies and do your best with them.  Don’t let them become your job.  When they start eating into your life and keeping you from enjoying yourself, stop immediately and go have fun.

ARE YOUR FRIENDS ONLINE DATING?

Those people should be Villagers, too.  Can you introduce them to our community?  Forward them this email.

Of course, there may be people who want to date online and you don’t even know it.  That’s what the share buttons are for.  I’m counting on you to press them!

Press them here: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

QUICK REVIEW

  • Online dating is one of the most popular of the seven strategies for finding love
  • There is a niche dating site for every interest
  • Done correctly, you can find potential partners while in your pajamas
  • Beware that many sites are littered with inactive profiles
  • Poorly written profiles get no attention
  • Let us know which online dating website you are going to choose and why in the Comments, below
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh
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PS:  This is a chapter in Hitchcraft Dating’s *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DATING SMARTER AND FINDING LOVE FASTER.  You can get it quickly and easily at by clicking here.   You also get other great freebies:

  • FREE articles loaded with actionable dating tips and advice sent directly to your inbox
  • An exclusive FREE Report: 15+ THOUGHT PROVOKING DATE QUESTIONS TO SPARK A REAL CONVERSATION
  • A buy-one-get-one FREE certificate for private coaching

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Comments

  1. Jeremy Hamburgh says:

    I met my wife, Lisa, on Tribester. It was a Facebook dating app. Does it exist anymore? I have no idea, but I’m sure it has been replaced by a dozen more.

  2. Tony Langdon says:

    I met my current partner online, on a well known gay hookup site. At the time, I used to hang out in the chat rooms, and I wasn’t looking for anything long term, and I really didn’t have a high opinion of online dating for anything more than casual hookups (for which I knew it did work well). At the time, I had only recently lost a previous partner to cancer, and wanted to spend some time with myself for a while. I remember the night we chatted. Coincidentally, after the family had spent a bit of time (a few months) deciding and getting the permit, we scattered my previous partner’s ashes the previous day, and this night I wasn’t in a particularly chatty mood but had the chat room open out of habit and the laptop pushed to the corner of the table. But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed movement on the screen, looked across and a “Hewoo” had appeared in the chat room. To be sociable, I replied and we started chatting. It quickly became apparent that I’d found someone who’d make a good friend (still wasn’t looking for anyone). As he’d also lost someone earlier in his life, he invited me for coffee a couple of days later – even then, we both were only interested in friends. But when we actually met, it turned out to be literally love at first sight – that was over 8 years ago now. :) We’re still happily together, and as a bonus, we’re both on the autism spectrum – Online dating can and does work, sometimes even when you’re not trying! :)

    • Jeremy Hamburgh says:

      First of all, Tony I am so sorry that you lost a partner to cancer. I can’t even imagine what that’s like. The fact that you met your current partner of 8 years on the day you scattered your prior one’s ashes is unbelievable. It is almost a Hollywood story. I wish both of you the best and I hope you’d be willing to share more of your story with our Villagers. We can all learn something from an 8 year relationship!

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