5 Crucial Questions to Uncover Your Dating Deal Breakers

5 Crucial Questions to Uncover Your Dating Deal Breakers

Musts aka deal breakers

I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to take it seriously.  Here it is….

What are you’re looking for in a romantic partner?  

Figuring out the answer is a crucial part of preparing to date.  Figuring out the answer is also a little more challenging and a little more fun that you think it will be.


When I ask my clients what they’re looking for in a romantic partner, they give me a list with these answers:

  • Hot
  • Smart
  • Funny

Is that what your list looks like, too?Don’t get me wrong, all of those traits may be important to you — they may even be deal breakers — but they they’re just empty adjectives.

I don’t blame you for coming up with a list like that.  Whether you’re neurotypical or have autism or have Aspergers or have ADHD or have dyslexia, that’s probably what your list is going to look like.  It may be that you aren’t good with abstract concepts.  Or it may be that nobody pushed you to think about the question more deeply.  But deeper we will go.

I will help you dig deeper.  It’s part of dating smarter.  The better you can express what you want in a romantic partner, the easier it is to search for him or her.

Over the next to days, we are going to tackle two crucial questions.  They’re so important that I want you to write down your answers in your Action Plan.


Today, I want you to write into your Action Plan what your musts are.

Your musts are the things you need in life.  They’re the things you need your special someone to have.  Some people call them deal breakers.

How do you start deciding what you must have in life and love?  How do you know if something is a deal breaker?

First, start by answering these questions:

  • What makes you genuinely happy?  
  • What do you still want to accomplish in life?
  • What can’t you live without?
  • What can’t you live with?
  • What makes you angry?

After you write the answers down in your Action Plan, I want you to share your insight in the Comments, below.  Check out what other Villagers have to say — they may inspired you.  I’ll wait while you do that….

If you’re having trouble coming up with your own list of musts and deal breakers, look at what AskMenMatch and Oprah came up with.  We can also work on it together (and you can redeem your buy-one-session-get-one-free certificate).


I must ask you to share this with the world.

I’m going to be selfish for a moment…I want you to share this with the world because I want to make a profound impact on the lives of people with autism, Aspergers, ADHD and learning disabilities.  But I’ll never know how to reach people like you know how to reach people.  So I count on you.

(Quick housekeeping matter….if you don’t see Facebook, Twitter and Google+ icons below, make sure that images are always enabled for emails from me.  Thank you!)

Share this with your world: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon


  • Figuring out what you must have in a romantic partner — your deal breakers — is part of preparing to date
  • The more specific you are, the better you can search for your romantic partner
  • Start by answering the 5 questions I posed to you
  • Write down your responses in your Action Plan and in the Comments, below
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh
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PS:  This is a chapter in Hitchcraft Dating’s *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DATING SMARTER AND FINDING LOVE FASTER.  You can sign up quickly and easily at by clicking here.   When you sign up you also get:

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  1. Jeremy Hamburgh says:

    What makes me genuinely happy:
    1) Helping other people
    2) Seeing projects to completion
    3) Biking in Central Park and along the Hudson River
    4) Having a beer with my friends…a microbrew, preferably
    What do I still want to accomplish in life:
    1) Building Hitchcraft Dating to a world-class dating site for people with developmental disabilities
    2) Having children
    3) Being the best husband, son and brother I can be
    4) Buy an apartment that’s big enough to fit our stuff
    What I can’t live without:
    1) A Jewish community
    2) Friends who understand me
    3) A loving and supportive partner
    4) Hockey
    5) Beach vacations
    What I can’t live with:
    1) Bugs and mice in the apartment
    2) Ignorant people
    3) Intolerant people
    What makes me angry:
    See the three things I wrote above. Also, when people talk to me in a disrespectful tone of voice.

  2. What would make me happy is to have a genuine loving relationship with someone who is attractive and has still got some youth left in them. They love me for me. Someone with similar values. It would be nice to be secure in life relationship wise and financially. I would like someone to go on holiday with as a couple. I can not live without people like my family and when my parents are no longer about I know my time is up and will commit suicide. In a partner it would have to be someone who is not messy and untidy. I absolutely loath smokers and their selfish ways and how this vermin infest doorways outside buildings/hospitals etc and like to share there carcinogens with non smokers. I don’t like ridiculous red tape and cover ups.

    • Jeremy Hamburgh says:


      My wish for you is a genuine loving relationship. I truly believe there is someone for everyone on this planet. I hope you find yours.


  3. Emanuel Frowner says:

    Here is what I want from a dating partner:

    A lady who is a lot more independent in that she has a job and if she does not, she is actively looking for one. Also, if she has her own place and if she does not, she is looking for one.

    A lady who is able to stand up to people who try to bully her into doing things she does not really want to do.

    A lady, whom I can have debates with about a variety of topics that affect me as well as her.

    When things are not going quite right in the relationship, she will tell me in a very nice way without being judgemental or harsh.

    A lady who does not really come from a heavily religious background and someone who is able to stand up for what is right.

    A lady who will communicate to me sometimes when things are going very well, as well as when they are not going well.

    A lady who is very adventurous, for example, she would want to travel to other states or other countries like London, Canada (just to name a couple), without someone in her family objecting to it or someone putting restrictions on her.

    A lady who has a few hobbies.

    A lady who can dress and wear her hair in a variety of ways.

    A lady who can laugh easily and who does not easily get angry.

    A lady who works out at least some of the time.

    I will answer the 5 questions as follows:

    1) I am happy when I do well at work, shoot pool and do well, see other people getting along well and if they can resolve their differences, see other people accomplishing good things as well as myself.

    2) I would like to travel outside the East Coast and outside the U.S. because I have not done that before. I would like to resolve a few of my family issues (it’s a long story and I am seeing a therapist about it). I would like to make more of a salary also.

    3) I cannot live without her being nice to me, complimenting me when I show improvement, showing me at least some affection, pays attention to me when I say and do things that are very important to me, etc.

    4) I could not deal with someone who yells, is bossy, condescending, someone who tunes me out when I try to tell her something that is very relevant to me like my feelings of being cut off when I am trying to speak. I cannot not deal with a woman who has bad breath.

    5) I get very angry when people overreact to me when I unknowingly do something that might have been wrong, others yell at me for no good reasons, others cut me off when I speak, others answer for me without giving me extra time to respond and/or embarrass me in public and judge me when I try to express myself in a nice way.


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