How to Conquer First Move Fear

Overcoming the fear of approaching attractive strangers

In the last article, we talked about how paralyzing First Move Fear can be.  Today we start eliminating your First Move Fear.  Get out your Action Plan and write down these two steps…


The first step to overcoming First Move Fear is preparation.  As I like to say: Know before you go.

What do I mean by that?

Before you leave the house, you should already know what you’ll say when approaching a potential partner.  Some people call them pickup lines, chat up lines, or openers.  I call them Killer Conversation Starters.

Don’t worry about Killer Conversation Starters right now because I’ll send you an entire email about writing them.  Just understand that the first step to overcoming First Move Fear is being prepared.


The second step to overcoming First Move Fear is decisive action.

Have you ever struggled to get into a cold swimming pool?

  • Your brain says yes but your body says no
  • You stick your toe in the water, but it weakens your resolve to jump in
  • You go in up to your ankles, then you turn around

There’s only one way to get into that cold pool.  Say to yourself, “One…two….three….GO!” and then jump.

Approaching your potential partner is just like standing at the side of the pool.  Either you’re going to approach him or her immediately, or First Move Fear will stop you from making a move at all.  So, say to yourself “One…two….three….GO!” and then walk over, ready to deliver your Killer Conversation Starter (which we’ll talk about soon).

It may not go smoothly the first time.  Or the second.  Or the third.  But, I promise you that the more times you do it, the better you’ll get.


As much as I enjoy sending you these emails, our Village will be a sparse place if it is just me and you.  Sure we’ll get to know each other pretty well, but wouldn’t our Village be more fun with others?

I can’t grow it by myself.  I simply don’t know enough people.  I need you.  Our Village needs you.  Forwarding these emails to your friends.  Keep hitting the share buttons, below.  You’ll literally be changing the face of our Village, and you’ll literally be changing people’s lives.

Cool, right!?   Spread the conversation: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon


  • Step 1 to get over First Move Fear is to prepare beforehand.  Or, as I say: Know before you go.
  • Step 2 to get over First Move Fear is immediate action.  Or, as I say: One…two….three…GO!
  • Share this with friends who may be paralyzed by First Move Fear.
  • Step 2 to get over First Move Fear is immediate action.  Or, as I say: One…two….three…GO!
  • Share this with friends who may be paralyzed by First Move Fear.
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh

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  1. Tony Langdon says:

    This is probably where my philosophy differs from the underlying assumptions in this post, and many people. This really puts the emphasis on actively looking for a relationship, which in my experiemce only (1) increases all the anxiety issues mentioned above, and (2) puts an air of expectation.

    Where I’ve been successful in relationships is when whether I’m in one or not hasn’t been a factor, or put more simply “I wasn’t looking”. :) Instead, I’ve found my partners as a side effect of being in social contact with people – a term I call “social circulation” in situations that suit me, and living a life that reflects who I am, rather than what others expect me to be. Accepting and being happy in my situation at the time was a big part of that. You do need to be open to possibilities when they present themselves, because since you’re not actively looking, they will come unexpectedly. I think for me, it was because I was being myself, people were attracted to that.

    However, that said, some people do seem to have more success actively seeking a relationship, so it’s good to have alternative strategies out there.

    • Jeremy Hamburgh says:


      Your advice is great for many people. In fact, my wife will tell you that she met me when she stopped looking!

      The problem for many neurodiverse people is that the world ignores them. Many neurodiverse people tell me that they feel as if others look right through them. That’s why I wrote this article — to help the people who need to be proactive about being seen and appreciated.


  2. Tony Langdon says:

    As they say, more than one way to skin a cat, being neurodiverse myself, I found my approach was more effective than anything else. The key message I see is that whatever approach you use, you have to put yourself out there in front of people – you can’t met potential partners if you’re not in contact with other people. Choose a strategy for social contact that you’re comfortable with.

    One sure way to get noticed by people is volunteering – whether that be in formal setting, or even more effectively, offering to help out at social gatherings – I met my first partner because I decided to join a bunch of people to help someone put up a major CB antenna installation.

    • Jeremy Hamburgh says:


      I am a huge, huge, huge fan of volunteering. In fact, I was telling a client yesterday that giving out flyers at an event is an amazing way to meet people because giving out flyers is an excuse to approach strangers.



  1. […] Questions are conversation killers, your potential partner does not.  That means that when you overcome your First Move Fear to approach a potential partner, he or she is still going to ask you with the same old boring […]

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