How to Avoid This Huge Mistake

How to Avoid This Huge Mistake

The importance of having fun

Let’s talk about the hour before a first date.  You know, the time when you’re getting dressed, combing your hair and getting ready to head out the door.

How do you feel in those minutes before your first date?

Rarely is anyone calm or indifferent.  Most people fall somewhere on the continuum of nervous to excited.

Personally, when my dating life first started improving, I was a nervous wreck before my first dates.  My mind was consumed with one maddening question, “How do I make her like me?

TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE LIKE YOU IS A HUGE MISTAKE

In trying to make my potential partners like me, I rattled of lists of personal accomplishments:

  • High school debater
  • College newspaper editor
  • Chef (briefly)
  • Assistant district attorney

Fail!  My potential partners were unimpressed.  They didn’t seem to want an oral version of my resume. 

So, I tried self-deprecating humor.

Fail!  I wasn’t being funny, and instead, I was undermining my self-worth.

As time went on, I realized that my dates were being ruined by trying to make my potential partners like me.

Being liked isn’t a decision that your potential partner makes, just you don’t get to decide who you like.  It happens subconsciously.  Nobody is totally sure why.

Have you ever met someone that you know you should like, but you don’t?  You try to convince yourself, “I really should be friends with that person because that person lives near me and we enjoy the same hobbies,”  but for whatever reason, you just don’t want to be friends with him or her?

As I said, you can’t force yourself to like someone.  And you can’t force someone to like you.  So don’t waste your energy trying!

FOCUS ON ENJOYING YOURSELF

Your dates change when you stop trying to impress your potential partners.  You become free to be yourself.  Well, kinda….

When you stop trying to impress your potential partners, you are free to be your best self.  How do you show your potential partner your best self?  Let’s start with the biggest way..

The way that most people forget (even neurotypicals)…

Focus on enjoying yourself!  When you focus on enjoying yourself, you…

  • relax
  • bring out your playful side
  • forget to worry what your potential partner thinks of you
  • set your potential partner at ease
  • allow your potential partner to enjoy himself or herself, too

There are a million ways to focus on enjoying yourself during a date.  Share yours in the Comments, below.

DO YOU KNOW PEOPLE WHO WOULD BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IF THEY RELAXED A BIT?

They should be getting this article.  Are you going to send it to them?

Or share it with them on your favorite social networks?  The choice is yours.  Just don’t choose neither.  So, pick a couple: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

QUICK REVIEW

  • You can’t make someone like you
  • Just be the best version of yourself
  • Focus on having a good time
  • Share your ideas for how to relax and enjoy yourself in the Comments, below
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh
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Comments

  1. Jeremy Hamburgh says:

    The way I focus on having fun is actually a little weird. I like to go into the bathroom — or another private place — and spent a minute doing strong, masculine poses. Why? Because research shows that when you strike a strong, masculine pose, it increases your testosterone, which increases your confidence. Personally, I find that when I’m feeling confident, I can relax and enjoy myself. Try it, see if it works for you, too.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Besides enjoying yourself, the next goal of a first date is building momentum. […]

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