About me

Me and Lisa

In the beginning….

Hitchcraft Dating was born on the Staten Island Ferry out of a conversation with friends who were successful in life but were exasperated that they were unsuccessful at love. They wanted a solution to being single, which led them to read shelves of self-help guides, stacks of how-to articles and reams of blog posts.  They challenged me:  Could I help intelligent single people date more successfully?

As I researched an answer, it struck me that most of the dating advice out there is just the personal experience of its authors.  I saw huge potential in offering advice based on science instead.  And so I spent almost three years learning everything I could about the science of attraction — its biology, neurology and psychology.  What sets Hitchcraft Dating apart is that my solutions are grounded in that science.

As I was laying the groundwork for Hitchcraft Dating, I was also building a Jewish 20s/30s organization called B’nai Jeshurun Tze’irim.  Through Tze’irim, my paths crossed with a wonderful young woman named Shoshana Rudnick, who ran JCC Manhattan’s 20s/30s programming.  She invited me to submit a workshop proposal.  It took me days to write, but I was invited to speak.

Thirty people attended my first workshop!  A pair of participants told me that it was better than the workshop given by a celebrity dating coach!  Three participants started working with me one-on one.  The JCC invited me back again, and I started working with three more clients.  Then the JCC invited me back again, and again, and again.  Each time, the workshop was tweaked to reflect what my clients taught me about the reality of dating in New York City.  Each time, I was privileged to be hired by people who trusted me to help them find love.

I am passionate about helping my clients find happiness.

For years, my family and mentors helped me dream up new slogans.  How does one express in one line my desire to help you date smarter?  As I fielded a giddy phone call from clients who found his special someone, the perfect slogan hit me:  Find Love.  Love Life.  Love is the missing piece of my clients’ puzzles, and I help them find it.  It is a privilege that I take seriously.

Each person I meet is different.  Some have had wonderful dating experiences.  Some have had awful ones.  Some have had none at all.  There is no way to “scale” that — to built a one-size-fits-all business.  That is what makes being a dating coach so challenging and so much fun.  There is no such thing as coaching on autopilot.

I want to help you find happiness, too.

You have my permission to forget everything you’ve ever learned about dating.  Toss out all the bad dating advice you’ve ever received and all the contradictory dating tips people throw your way.  Start with a clean slate.  Then do one first simple thing:  Sign up for the *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DATING SMARTER AND FINDING LOVE FASTER.  Besides all the amazing free things you get for signing up, you get to ask me questions at any time.  (But I don’t promise to write back at 4am.)  There is no catch.  Seriously, no strings attached.  You don’t even need to fill out a questionnaire.  You just need to sign up now.

Why do I do what I do?  And why do I give so much of it away for free?

There is something amazing about going to the wedding of a person you helped find love.  There is something magical about getting a phone call, an email, a text, “You’ll never believe this…”  I love helping people find the missing piece of their life’s puzzle.  I want to be the reason why you wake up next to someone you love.  If you can do it all with free advice, then I’m all for it.

The reality is that finding love will not be free for everybody.  You may join an online dating site, and if you do it through Hitchcraft Dating, the village will make a couple bucks.  You may decide to pay me to write (or re-write) you a dynamite online profile and teach you the inside secrets that the dating sites don’t want you to know.  Or maybe you just want to order one of the books that I write about.  All of those things help keep the rest of the village free.

Here’s another reason why I do what I do, and do so much of it for free: I enjoy our secret relationship.  You see, most of the people whose lives I touch don’t tell their special someones about me.  The time we spend together is private.  Nobody has to know that I’m whispering dating advice into your ear.  We share that bond.

I love working with clients who share my philosophy.

You don’t have to be like me.  In fact, I built Hitchcraft Dating as a science-based approach to dating so that you wouldn’t have to be like me.  Having said that, people work best and get along best when they share the same outlook on life.  You and I are going to have a relationship — maybe in person, maybe not — and I would like you to know what my philosophy is:

  • Be the best person you can be.  I can’t control what other people do, and neither can you, but we can influence them by being the most engaging people we can be.
  • Only take on as much as you can handle.  For me that means accepting a limited number of clients, and prioritizing the ones who take the process seriously.  It means writing quality lessons and posting meaningful articles, and not wasting your time with half-baked fluff.  For you that means starting personal coaching sessions with me only when you’re truly ready to commit to finding love.
  • Keep an open mind.  I have succeeded beyond my own ability by listening to others and by being willing to change my mind.  I know that you have as much to teach me as I have to teach you.  I know that neither of us is right all the time, but together we are right most of the time.
  • Value people’s time and people’s money.  I will never tell you to sign up for more sessions than you need.  I will never sell you something that won’t help you.  You should do the same.  Don’t go out on dates with people you have no interest in.  Don’t spend people’s hard earned money and precious time for your own amusement.
  • Under-promise and over-perform.  Everyone likes to be pleasantly surprised.
  • Be honest to a fault.  I will tell you what I am good at.  I will teach you what I know.  And I will never, ever pretend to be an expert at something I am not.

Huge debts of gratitude.

Taking Hitchcraft Dating from an idea on a notepad to a full-fledged village took an insane number of hours and the input of a lot of really important people.  Special thanks go out to (in roughly chronological order):

  • My mom and sister, who took an active interest in Hitchcraft from Day 1.  Many — maybe most — of the ideas that took Hitchcraft Dating from dream to reality were theirs.
  • My dad, who gave me legal advice and kept watch that I was always “above board.”
  • Shoshana Rudnick and all the folks at the JCC in Manhattan who trusted a novice dating coach with his own workshop, and then let me do it many times over.
  • Schteffi Dokman (Pfalz) for launching me with the 40s/50s crowd, and then bringing me into the world of people with special needs and developmental disabilities.
  • Allison Kleinman, for trusting me week-after-week with Adaptations and for dreaming big even though our budget is small.  (And Dorsey Massey for being awesome.)
  • Michael Schafler for designing an amazing logo.
  • Mariah Humphries for making this beautiful website.
  • And, of course, my fiance, Lisa, whose patience and love never flags in the face of daily workshops, meetings, client sessions, writing sessions, etc., etc., etc.

A special thanks to all my clients, past and present, who trusted me to help bring them happiness.  This would be a website without a prayer without you!

Happy dating,