2 steps to looking bulletproof and feeling confident

2 steps to looking bulletproof and feeling confident

Bulletproofing your wardrobe for more confidence

The feedback I have gotten about bulletproofing has been amazing.  Your fellow Villagers have gotten hair cuts and manicures, and they tell me that they are feeling more confident.

Have you started bulletproofing?  What have you done and how does it feel?  Tell us in the Comments, below.

I could not be a dating coach without bulletproofing.  As I’ve confided in your before, speaking in front of crowds is never easy, and I need all the confidence I can get.  Before I stand up in front of a crowd, I make sure my hair is trimmed, my facial hair shaved, my nails cut and my teeth brushed.

Just as important, you’ll almost always see me speaking in a bulletproof outfit.  Actually, I really have only one bulletproof outfit for public speaking: a dark suit, pressed dress shirt, and black shoes.  (My suits are all chosen by Gabriel Orengo at Men’s Wearhouse.)

Let’s add bulletproofing your wardrobe to your Action Plan.


People have their favorite clothes and tend to keep them for a long (long, long) time.  Maybe it’s your favorite sweater from high school or pair of pants from a birthday long gone.  I still have a Gap dress shirt in my closet from 1996.  It is blue and frayed, and my wife doesn’t let me wear it outside.

You are attached to the clothes you’ve had for a long time because they are loaded with memories. You are also comfortable in them and they feel good on your body.  This may be especially true if you have autism and Aspergers because many people on the spectrum have difficultly changing their wardrobes.  Unfortunately, your clothes may be hurting your dating life.

From the instant your potential partner sees you, he or she is judging you.  Until you’ve exchanged words, that judgment is based entirely on what your exterior looks like.  In other words, you are being judged in large part on your clothes.

I know that parting with your favorite clothes isn’t easy.  My wife battled to get me to throw out my sweater collection.  (She won.)  Now I see why she did it.  I have beautiful new sweaters and they make me look and feel great!

Here is how you can have a bulletproof wardrobe in two steps:


Pull items out of your closet one-by-one.  As you go through each item, ask yourself these questions:

  • Did I wear this item more than three times in the past year?
  • Does it make me look good?  Or does it make me look average?
  • Does it make me feel bulletproof?  Or does it just feel comfortable?

Any item of clothing that you don’t wear regularly AND that doesn’t make you look good AND doesn’t make you feel bulletproof has no business being in your closet.  Put that piece of clothing into one of these two piles:

  • Clothes that are old go into one pile.  They can be recycled into rags.  (Old t-shirts are great for cleaning the shower!)
  • Clothes that are in good shape go into another pile.  They can be donated to non-profits such as Housing Works,  Salvation Army, or the rummage sale of your synagogue/church/mosque/house of worship.

There are some exceptions, obviously.  You may have ski clothing that you couldn’t use in the past year.  Special occasion dresses, suits and tuxedos don’t get used frequently, but they definitely should be kept around.  I am sure you can think of a few others.  (I keep a tie dyed t-shirt in my dresser just in case get tickets to Dark Star Orchestra.)

Go ahead, get started on that closet.  I’ll wait….


Sometimes you don’t know whether to keep or toss a particular piece of clothing.  Sometimes you convince yourself that a favorite shirt makes you look good when it really doesn’t.  That’s why it is a good idea to bring in help.

Before you finish the closet clearing project, bring over a friend of the sex you want to attract and let him or her do one final closet “edit.”  He or she can tell you what remaining clothes make you look good and what makes you look average.


Now the fun part…if you find shopping fun.  (My wife does.)

Take a few minutes to write a list of the places you go and activities you do most often.  Your Dating Calendar is a great place to start because it contains all of your daily activities.For this past week, my list of activities were:

  • Working at the office
  • Running a community service meeting
  • Leading an Adaptations Dating Group workshop
  • Going to the gym
  • Having dinner with another couple
  • Enjoying a date with my wife
  • Attending a few birthday parties
  • Playing ice hockey with my dad

Now write your list of activities into your Action Plan.

Once you’re done, ask yourself whether there is any chance — any at all — of meeting a potential partner there.  (In my case, there were single women at the birthday party but not at the hockey rink.)

For each place or activity that has dating potential, invest in two or three bulletproof outfits that are appropriate for the activity.  Money saving tip:  Keep in mind that an outfit for once activity can be adapted to another.Where you shop and what you spend are totally up to you, but remember that this is an investment in feeling amazing and bulletproof.


I want you to share with me and our Village….
  • Where will you shop?
  • Have you found any really good deals?
  • Do you have any wardrobe bulletproofing tips?
Answer at least one of them in the Comments.  And remember to share!
  • Send this to a friend who might need a wardrobe update
  • And share it with your social network with the buttons, below
Share the bulletproof feeling: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon


  • Use your Action Plan to remember ways to bulletproof your wardrobe
  • Get rid of every clothing item that you don’t wear often
  • Get rid of every clothing item that doesn’t make you look good
  • Get rid of every clothing item that doesn’t make you feel bulletproof
  • Invest in clothing that fits your budget and makes you feel bulletproof
  • Add to the Comments your bulletproofing tips, where you plan on shopping and where you’ve found good deals
Jeremy Hamburgh
Jeremy Hamburgh
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PS:  This is a chapter in Hitchcraft Dating’s *FREE* STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DATING SMARTER AND FINDING LOVE FASTER.  You can get it quickly and easily at by clicking here.   You also get other great freebies:

  • FREE articles loaded with actionable dating tips and advice sent directly to your inbox
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  1. Brianna Goldberg says:

    Typically, I don’t like shopping and I don’t let go of clothing very easily. It has taken me a very long time to find clothing that I am comfortable in and replacing them can be impossible at times. I had a sweater that I loved for years and when I wore it out, I had a very hard time replacing it because it was not the type that was in style at the time.

    • Jeremy Hamburgh says:


      I learned early on that people with ASD have a difficult time letting go of clothes and finding new ones. For many people — me included — having a good looking, updated wardrobe is an important part of being attractive and confident.

      Now that you’re thinking about it, how would you go about updating your wardrobe with minimal anxiety? Maybe your strategy will help others!


  2. Tony Langdon says:

    If I was to do this, there are two major issues:

    First, sorting through a pile of clothes is extremely difficult, due to a combination of executive dysfunction and some ADHD like traits that I have – I have no tolerance for the tedious.

    Second is I hate clothes shopping with a passion. Fortunately, for some items, online retailers have given more choice without the hassles, so online is definitely an option. Not for everything (some things still need to be tried on), but consider it. Instead of drudgery, it’s like getting presents in the mail. :)

    I’ve tended to invest more in what’s underneath the clothing. :)

    • Jeremy Hamburgh says:


      Sorting through clothes can certainly be a problem for people with ADHD and executive dysfunction. How would you approach the issue for someone who really needs a wardrobe redesign? Perhaps inviting a friend to help out?



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